Anxiety & Avoidance

Why Avoiding Anxiety Makes It Stronger

Avoiding anxiety makes sense.

When something feels uncomfortable, scary, or overwhelming, your brain says, “Get out of here.”
So you skip the thing. You distract yourself. You over-prepare. You stay quiet.

And for a moment it works. Your anxiety drops. Your body relaxes. You feel safer.

But that relief doesn’t last. Over time, avoidance doesn’t shrink anxiety. It teaches it how to grow.

Cycles of Avoidance

Here’s how the cycle usually goes:

1. Anxiety shows up
   Your heart races. Your thoughts speed up. You feel uneasy.

2. Your brain predicts danger
   “This is too much.”
   “I can’t handle this.”

3. You avoid the situation
   You skip, leave early, stay silent, or distract yourself.

4. You feel relief
   Anxiety drops. Your brain says, “Good choice.”

5. Anxiety learns
   Your brain remembers: Avoidance = safety.

Next time, anxiety shows up faster, louder, and in more situations.

Not because you’re weak, but because your brain is learning from what you do.

Common Ways Teens Avoid Anxiety (Without Realizing It)

Avoidance isn’t always obvious. Sometimes it looks like:

• Skipping school events or presentations

• Staying quiet even when you want to speak

• Constantly checking your phone to escape feelings

• Over-preparing so nothing can go wrong

• Putting things off until the last second—or not doing them at all

The ACT Approach: Making Space Instead of Running

ACT doesn’t ask you to fight anxiety or force it away.

Instead, it asks:

What if you didn’t let anxiety decide your actions?

This means learning to:

• Let anxious feelings be there

• Notice anxious thoughts without obeying them

• Choose actions based on what matters to you

Gentle Exposure: Small Steps, Chosen on Purpose

Exposure doesn’t mean throwing yourself into your biggest fear.

In ACT, exposure is:

• Gentle

• Intentional

• Values-based

For example:

• Speaking once in class because learning matters to you

• Going to part of an event because friendship matters

• Turning in work even while anxious because growth matters

Anxiety might still show up.

That’s okay.

Each time you stay instead of escape, your brain learns something new:

“I can feel anxious and still handle this.”

That’s how the cycle starts to break.

A New Cycle: Courage Instead of Avoidance

Here’s what a healthier cycle looks like:

1. Anxiety shows up

2. You notice it

3. You let it be there

4. You choose a small action that matters

5. Anxiety learns you’re capable