Setting Goals Without Spiraling: A Perfectionist’s Guide to the New Year

Jan 2

You want to set goals, but instead you feel anxious, frozen, or already behind. For perfectionists, goals don’t feel motivating, they feel like traps.

You can frame this as:

Goals turning into rules.
Motivation turning into self-criticism.
The New Year feeling like a countdown instead of a beginning.

1. Signs Your Goals Are Anxiety-Driven (Not Values-Driven)

Examples:

You feel panicked instead of excited when you write goals.
Your goals are extremely specific and rigid.
You’re more focused on not failing than actually wanting the outcome.

Anxiety-driven goals are about control. Values-driven goals are about direction.

2. How to Set “Good Enough” Goals (That Don’t Trigger Perfectionism)

Reframe what a goal is:

Not a contract
Not a personality test
Not a measure of your worth

Practical tools:

Lower the floor, not the ceiling
Instead of “work out 5x a week,” try “move my body once.”
Use ranges, not rules
“1–3 times a week” instead of “every day.”
Focus on identity gently
“I’m someone who practices” instead of “I must master this.”
Choose one priority
Too many goals = hidden self-punishment.

3. What to Do When You Fall Behind (Without Spiraling or Quitting)

Normalize falling behind:

Falling behind is part of every process
Consistency is built through repair, not perfection

Give a simple reset rule:

No catching up
No punishment
Just continue at the next possible moment